Sincerely, Tyler (Open Letter)
I feel like I have some venting to do.
Not because I feel pressure to do so, and not because I feel guilt. I just want to express myself tonight.
Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you for staying up on late nights having conversations with me while I was manic. Thank you for calming me down when I had panic attacks. I'm not sure where you are right now, or what you're doing - but I hope you're happy...I mean that. You were the woman with the long blonde hair and blue eyes. You were the woman with the long brown hair and green eyes. You were the woman with the long black hair and brown eyes.
I'm sure you're wondering why you haven't heard from me. But I'm sure you've heard about me. It's a weird feeling, you know...being well-known. Knowing you're being talked about...admired...talked down about. I remember when nobody really knew who I was. Sometimes I honestly wish I could go back to that. But why would I? going back to that doesn't bring back us. I will never be in Halifax, sitting on your sofa looking into your eyes in that same way again. I will never be in Dartmouth in your SUV laughing and teasing you in the same way again. I will never be in your apartment drinking your mom's ginger tea while we discuss your future again.
I didn't forget about you. I didn't forget about us. I just finally started paying attention to me. You will always be able to reach out to me if you need me. I will never be able to be there in the ways I was there in the past, though...And a part of me is sad about that. But a part of me is numb about that. I've learned that some things just will never work out. And that's okay. I'm okay with that.
I hope to be able to celebrate with you some day. For accomplishing the things I told you I always wanted to accomplish.