Did That Just Happen?

Last year was incredibly hard for me... I'm still trying to process it all. Sure, I've made some more accomplishments, friends, business endeavors, and new loves. But with all of these things came pain. I'm standing in 2018 looking back at 2017 thinking how in the f$%^ did that just happen? 

How did I speak to over 8 thousand screaming kids at the Scotiabank Centre? How did I manage to become even more popular this year? how did I manage to get into four relationships this year and let them all end horribly?

I guess these are the questions I need to be asking my psychologist, but it feels really good to type them out. With more popularity comes more paranoia, as if I wasn't already paranoid enough four years ago sitting in my room with my only friend at the time, Bianca. I find myself wondering why I wasn't really there for Bianca after our breakup, seeing that she was there for me for three years. This thought makes me sad...Really, it's the only thought that makes me sad lately. Sorry if you expected me to be sadder. 

The first time I dyed my hair it was because I wanted to be somebody else. I was sick and tired of people knowing me as the "mental health advocate." Why can't I just be the guy who does creative stuff and happens to talk about mental health? I don't know. Last year I actually had people tell me I can't be an asshole when I'm upset because I'm a mental health advocate...You've gotta be kidding me. 

Towards the end of the year, I became more reckless. More whiskey, clubbing, and dates with people I don't really care for. It's been hard for me to show the people I do care about, that I actually do care.

In 2018 I want more peace. I realize I need to be more selective when choosing who I spend my time with. I also realize that people are becoming extremely sensitive...It doesn't mean that I won't be honest, I'll just be more prepared.

I'm realizing I seem pretty salty right now, and maybe I am. I'm pretty irritable, and impatient too lately. You probably expected a video, or something when clicking this blog. Or maybe some really informative content. Sorry, this is all I got. 

 Salty: Being bitter towards something or someone.

Tyler Simmonds3 Comments